Please Don't Smile!
by Shady Bishie
Summary: Don't smile! PLEASE! Beat me, just DON'T SMILE! Rin has a cold, it's all Jaken's fault, but it's not really Jaken's fault that Rin is a terrible singer...nor is it her fault that he fell off AhUn...a collection of tales to drive Sess off the deep end!
1. Horrible, nasty, evil old Jaken

(_Author's Note:_ _Yay, first fic, containing two of my favourite characters, Rin and Sess!)_

"'_Choo_!"

_Was that a sneeze? That better not have been a sneeze…_

"'_Choo_!"

_Damn! _

"Sesshomaru-sama, Rin thinks she's got a ('_choo!_) cold!"

_Oh, great. Just perfect. Let's stop for a week until Rin stops sneezing. Such a weak immune systems these humans have…_

"_'Choo!"_

_"'Choo!"_

_"'Choo!"_

"OK," Sesshomaru said, 'we will stop. My bad. _You _will stop. Jaken, you will stay with her."

"But I ('_choo_!) wanna come!" Rin sniffed. "It's not my fault I have a cold!"

"Whose is it, then?" Sesshomaru said boredly. He didn't really care. He was sure it was the fault of a 'fairy' or some odd childish fantasy like that…not that Rin had childish fantasies…not that he did either…

"Jaken-sama's!" Rin pointed accusingly at the little froggy thing, who quickly turned around and pretended to talk to himself.

That caught Sesshomaru's attention. "What?"

"When you left last, he stood under a tree and left me out in the rain for hours…I cried all night, 'cause it wasn't very nice!" Rin shot a very injured look at Jaken, who knew he was in for it now.

Sesshomaru had turned to Jaken, and he had what almost looked like a smile on his face. Jaken's eyes widened, and with a resounding _thunk, _he dropped to the ground and wrapped his arms around Sesshomaru's ankles.

"No, Lord Sesshomaru, don't smile! Beat me! Beat me! Here, use this staff, or this rock, but _please don't smile_! No, no, no…"

Rin watched this sorry display with obvious delight sparkling in her brown eyes. Sesshomaru, too, seemed amused. He looked like he would have liked to threaten the kappa a bit more, but saw Rin's face and decided against it. After all, he wasn't going to _beat _Jaken in front of Rin anyway. He gently kicked Jaken, "Get up," and started to walk away.

Jaken, obviously relieved that Sesshomaru was not going to smile or beat him, began after him. Sesshomaru turned around.

"Go back," he said quietly.

Jaken looked at him with a pleading face. "Leave her with Ah-Un…she'll be fine…"

"Ah-Un did not leave her out in the rain. Stay with her, Jaken."

He vanished, Jaken sobbing bitterly.

"This is your fault, Rin…"he said rudely.

Rin put on a convincing pleading-face, dropped to the ground and started begging someone invisible to beat her rather than smile.

Jaken walked grumpily away and sat on a rock.

_(AN: End of chapter one of my first fanfic! If yu like, more tu come!)_


	2. Crash, Thunk, Beg

Sesshomaru returned to his party in a foul mood. Once again, he had gotten so close to wiping Naraku off the planet, and Naraku had made another maddening escape. Rin's sniffles had subsided and now she was bouncing around with twice as much energy as before. Sesshomaru wondered if Jaken had given her any sugar.

"You look happy," he remarked at Rin, who was spinning in circles, continuously falling.

"Rin is not speaking to Jaken-sama. He would not feed Rin, and I had to go find my own food!"

Sesshomaru shot a murderous glare at Jaken, who was sitting on a rock, hunched over, muttering unhappily to himself about the idiocy of human children.

"Can we come this time, Sesshomaru-sama?" Rin asked. "'Cause Rin is bored…"

She threw her arms around him and looked up innocently, her brown eyes huge and shining. "Please……?"

Sesshomaru looked poisonously in Jaken's direction. How were you supposed to say no when the girl pleaded like that?

Grudgingly, he nodded.

_How spineless are _you, _Lord Sesshomaru? _he thought. _You're a daiyokai, being pleaded into saying yes by a human child? Wrong, all wrong._

"Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama!" Rin yelled joyfully, hugging him harder. He felt a smile pushing at the corners of his mouth and crushed it, trying to regain his dignified, unrelenting self once again.

"Get on to Ah-Un…I will be flying," he said, and walked away.

Rin snuck up behind Jaken, "We're _leaving_, Jaken-sama!" she cried happily

Jaken pushed himself off the rock, still murmuring about the evils of children like Rin. She gave him a playful shove and nearly pushed him over. Jaken righted himself, wondering whether it would be a good idea to whack her with the staff. No, maybe not.

They got on Ah-Un, and waited. Sesshomaru was standing in front of the dragon, staring at the horizon.

"Sesshomaru-sama, Rin is ready to go," she whispered.

_Is Sesshomaru-sama thinking about a lady?_ Rin thought. _I think it is the Kagura lady…she comes a lot. Rin hopes they will get married. Ooh! Rin will be the flower girl, in a pink kimono, with cherry blossoms…_

Jaken was not considering possible roles in a wedding. He was thinking of wreaking vengeance on the child in front of him.

Sesshomaru gave one last longing glance at the sky, and turned away.

"Can Rin be the flower girl?" she asked, her bubbly self again after the cold.

Sesshomaru looked her sharply over and chose to ignore the question. He took flight easily. The big dragon followed.

Rin decided to plan her wedding outfit.

_I'll have a pink kimono with white cherry blossoms on it. And I guess I will carry cherry blossoms too. And maybe I'll make a cherry blossom wreath for my hair, and- oh! A wreath for Jaken-sama, too! Won't he look funny!_

Jaken had given up all thoughts of revenge on Rin. He didn't really want to think about anything, certainly not the fact that they seemed much higher on Ah-Un than ever before.

Rin leaned back at just the wrong moment, sending Jaken off the dragon.

"Damn!" Sesshomaru said loudly as he saw the kappa spiraling down to earth. He dipped down and raced through the air, wondering if he could catch Jaken.

When Rin realized what she'd done, she clapped both hands over her mouth. Ohhh nooo…what if Jaken-sama died and it was all her fault? The guilt would certainly kill her. She kicked Ah-Un impatiently, willing him to race down like Sesshomaru-sama. The dragon went 'down', but certainly not at the pace of Sesshomaru .

Sesshomaru landed on the ground seconds too late. He had heard the resounding _ crack _and _thunk _as the kappa and the staff hit the ground. Sesshomaru had his hand on the hilt of the Tenseiga when Jaken sat stiffly up and moaned.

"Eveeryythiiing aaches…" he groaned.

"Get up and walk," Sesshomaru ordered, somewhat relieved that the Tenseiga could stay in its hilt for the time being.

Jaken tried, really he did. He stumbled around for close to fifteen minutes.

Sesshomaru looked like he was about to blow a fuse. Then, the demonic smile played at his lips once more.

Jaken saw his twitching mouth, and crawled to Sesshomaru's feet. "Oh, please, Lord Sesshomaru! Don't smile! Please! Take this staff and _beat _me hard! Don't smile! No, no, no!"

A look of grim amusement showed on Sesshomaru's face as he walked away.

Rin was not happy. She had very much wanted to leave Jaken's company for a few days, and now she could not.

She got her revenge.

"Rin, go get me water," Jaken ordered.

She ignored him.

"I said, get me water!"

Now it was on Rin's lips that a smile was playing. Carefully, she fell to the ground and mocked grabbing someone's ankles.

"No! Don't smile! _Beat _me!" Her laughs and Jaken's yelps of indignation echoed through the night.


	3. Preschool Songs from Hell

_(A/N: I've forgotten to add this disclaimer, oops…I do not own Inu Yasha or any of the characters in it, Rumiko Takahashi does. Sorry I'm adding chapters so fast… --Kthxbi!_

Chapter Three: Preschool Songs from Hell

"I'm a little teapot short and stout...Jaken-sama, this song sounds like you!...here is my handle, here is my spout…Jaken-sama, what's a spout?" Rin asked happily.

"It's an especially evil demon with really sharp claws that hunts down little girls who annoy their elders," Jaken snapped.

"Ohhhh…do teapots have spouts?"

"The pink and frilly ones do, and they jump out and _bite _your hand…"

Rin didn't look in the least frightened. "Jaken-sama, you're not telling the truth," she accused.

"How do you know?"

Rin chose to ignore the last comment. "I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout, when I get all steamed up, hear me _shout-_"

"SILENCE!" Jaken screamed. It was bad enough being practically crippled, but having to listen to the human blathering? Unbearable.

"- tip me over and pour me out!" Rin finished joyfully.

Jaken wanted, very badly, to throw something at her. He reached as far as he could over the rock that served as his chair, but his fingers were inches away from being able to grasp a pebble. Then a sweeping motion caught his eye and he thought better of it.

Sesshomaru landed a few meters away. He had seen the pebble Jaken was reaching desperately for, no doubt to throw at Rin, who he had heard obnoxiously singing. Sesshomaru gave Jaken a look of evil, and turned around to gaze at the horizon some more.

"Twinkle, twinkle little star…how I wonder what you are…that's silly. How can you wonder when you just said it was a star?" Rin said, a scandalous look on her face. "Well, I don't wonder…up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky…Sesshomaru-sama, can diamonds fly?"

"I don't know, Rin," he said absently.

"Puff the magic dragon, lived by the sea, and frolicked-"

Ah-Un snarled loudly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ah-Un, you don't frolic, do you?…okay, I won't sing that…"

"Don't sing ANYTHING!" Jaken yelled. Sesshomaru was snapped out of his fantasyland in the clouds (A/N: hehehe…) to tell Jaken, "Silence." All this singing and yelling was starting to get on his nerves.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow…"

Sesshomaru resisted an urge to lick his lips.

"…and everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went, everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to _gooooo_." Rin hit an especially high note, and dragged it out for an excruciatingly long time. Sesshomaru fell to the ground, clutching his sensitive ears.

"Oh, no! Sesshomaru-sama, Rin is sorry!" she cried, dropping to her knees in front of him.

"It's…okay, Rin…" he said through clenched teeth.

Rin tossed her head happily and continued. "Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on his pony, stuck a feather in his hat and called it _macarooooni_!"

Sesshomaru felt a vein start to throb in his temple.

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…"

"I hope you row your boat down the stream and it tips over and you die!" Jaken croaked. His ears were on the verge of combustion as well.

"…merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream!" Rin screamed. Gosh, this was fun! Look at Jaken-sama! He didn't like it at all!

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Kagura…'cause she's your dear, Sesshomaru-sama!...happy birthday to yooouuuu!"

Sesshomaru never knew if it was the extremely high note Rin hit on 'you', or the mention of Kagura, or anything else. He felt his sanity smash into small pieces in his head and he screamed,

"NO MORE SINGING!"


	4. Absolutely Mental

Chapter 4-Absolutely Mental

"I'm a little teapot, short and-"

"No more _singing_!" Sesshomaru's voice had lost its calm coolness, and he was beginning to sound like a half-crazed demon with as little control as his brother. He was on the verge of screaming, hair-tearing antics performed by people who had no reason left to live.

Rin fell silent for close to ten seconds. Then, the infuriating melody came through closed lips. Wasn't she smart! Humming, instead!

"No humming, either," Sesshomaru moaned wearily.

"Hm-hm-hm-hm, hm-"

"That means YOU,JAKEN!" he screamed.

"I thought you meant Rin?" said the ever-cheated kappa innocently. Sesshomaru felt like he was going to blow a fuse. He felt that fuse, a vein in his temple, throbbing.

_Calm down, Sesshomaru…you don't want to lose control like your brother. You are a powerful daiyoukai, you CAN control your emotions. _

The vein throbbed harder.

"I meant you, and Rin," Sesshomaru said, with every bit of self-control he could muster, which wasn't much, because he still sounded like a half-crazed loony.

They walked in silence for a few more seconds. Sesshomaru felt the pounding of the vein in his temple lighten a little, while he tried to step back into calm collectiveness.

"Sesshomaru-sama!"

The vein pounded twice as hard. Sesshomaru lost all his self control as he screamed, "SHUT UP, RIN! JUST BE QUIET! IS THAT REALLY SO HARD?"

He thought he had silenced her. Relaxing the tiniest bit, he continued to walk.

"Yes, Sesshomaru-sama, it's hard to be quiet." Rin said matter-of-factly.

He turned around and stared at her. Long and hard. And with those bloodshot eyes, a normal human child would have fainted. Rin just looked back. Had his yelling had no effect on her whatsoever? His gaze was positively twisted by this point, and still she stared back. Even Jaken was backing away a little.

He would have tried to scare her more, but a swishing brought him back to the world outside Rin's staring pupils.

"Lord Sesshomaru," a so-familiar voice drawled. "Bonding with the girl?"

All the colour drained out of his face. Damn. He wanted to turn around and hit her with Tokijin, but then, she wouldn't visit him anymore. He turned around, leaving the Tokijin in its sheath.

Lady Kagura stared back at him, a sarcastic grin on her pretty face.

"My, my, quite the head case we've got, no?" she whispered. "What's happened to you? Fought a battle you couldn't win?" Sarcasm poured from her voice. "Or was it the child?"

Before he could say anything, Rin cut in. Poor Sesshomaru. He didn't even see it coming. Maybe it was his state of complete paranoia, or maybe he was too busy thinking up something to snap back at Kagura. But he was totally unprepared for what Rin said. You have to feel sorry for him.

"Sesshomaru-sama wants to marry you! He's going to ask you, and then you'll say yes! And then Rin will be the flower girl!"

Kagura laughed and floated away.

Sesshomaru turned on Rin, a smile playing on his face.

But Rin was completely unperturbed.

Jaken crawled up to him, and laced his green fingers around Sesshomaru's ankles. "Lord Sesshomaru, she didn't mean it, she didn't. Beat her! She's only eight years old! Don't smile! Have mercy on the little girl! Please! Beat her!"

Appalled at what he was trying to do, Rin slapped him.

Hard.

So, both Jaken and Sesshomaru turned in that night feeling as if the day was a total loss.


	5. Pancakes

_(A/N: Was not at all happy with the original chapter five. Modified and tweaked it until I liked it. I'm sorry if you liked the other one!)_

Chapter Five: Pancakes

"Sesshomaru-sama, can Rin make pan-cakes?"

"What the hell is a pancake?"

Rin put on a huge grin and started to recite. "You pour the pancake mix into a frying pan, and then you put it on the fire and add water."

"Too bad we don't have any pancake mix," Sesshomaru said. Ha-ha, child. For once I have outsmarted you.

_Wait…that's all wrong! I am the Great Sesshomaru! I have outsmarted this child hundreds of times! Like when…um…she…no, she got me that time too…damn it, she does always outsmart me!_

"Yes. Rin has some."

_Damn._

"Where'd you get it from?" he demanded. He bet it was mud and grass. Something she'd made herself. Well, if she had, he wouldn't let her eat it. No way.

"Kagome-chan gave it to me! And the frying pan too! They're from her time!"

_Damn you, Kagome. _

"So can I?" she pleaded. She widened her eyes and pushed out her bottom lip.

_Stupid, manipulative devil…_

Sesshomaru struggled for another excuse. "Um….what about water?"

Wordlessly, Rin pointed to the river.

"Rin knows you're trying to think of a reason not to let her," Rin said.

_What is with this kid? First she resists my Evil Glare and Evil Growl, then she reads my mind._

"Fine!" he muttered grudgingly. "I don't care!"

Rin gave him a huge smile, and skipped away to make pancakes. She was going to screw them up so bad…he just hoped she wouldn't make Jaken eat any.

He stalked over to the downward slope and stared at the sky, lacking anything better to do. Sesshomaru wondered if he might get a minute of peace.

Doubtful.

Rin fiddled a little with two sticks, finally calling Jaken to help her. They rubbed sticks together until there was a three-foot pile of sticks that 'weren't good enough' in front of them. Rin sighed and leaned back.

"Jaken-sama, this rubbing the sticks together isn't working…"

"Of course it is!" Jaken said, in a slightly strained tone.

_Who are you trying to convince? _Jaken thought. _Her, or you?_ He rubbed harder, determined to show Rin he was not a useless green blob of jelly.

Yes! A spark clung to the stick, and went out immediately. Heartened, Jaken rubbed those twigs within an inch of their life. Yes! Another spark. More, more, more…

"DAMN!"

The stick decided at exactly the wrong moment, to deafeningly crack. Jaken screamed in absolute frustration. Rin stared forlornly at the broken stick.

"Oopsie!" she giggled. "Here, let me try…"

Rin rubbed the two sticks quickly together until a shower of orange sparks poured out. She clapped her hands.

Jaken stared at her, feeling like Japan's most idiotic kappa. How had she done that?

He watched in even more amazement as she pulled a shiny silver flat pan out of a bag she was carrying. He didn't know that rock could get that shiny and silver.

"Is that real silver?" he breathed.

"No!" Rin laughed. "It's metal, from Kagome-chan's time."

Metal? Puzzling. Next, Rin pulled out a small bag with pictures on it. One of them was a flat…well, thing, he guessed was a pancake. There was writing on the top. Rin put some water in the pancake bag and dumped the whole works in the pan, which she set in the middle of the fire, obviously proud of her accomplishment.

Jaken looked at it sideways. He had a feeling that she was only supposed to put a little bit of the mix in the pan. The wet puddle of white stuff would take hours to cook.

Sesshomaru had turned around at that moment. He decided he might as well get some amusement out of this, so he stalked over to the fire where the frying pan was crackling.

"Rin, are you sure the pancake is supposed to be that colour?" he asked.

A pulsating, bubbling black mass crackled and spit inside the pan. It was burnt to a crisp on the bottom, he could see, as well as the top. Inside, though, it was liquid.

"Of course!" Rin said happily. Had it ever changed colour quickly! It had been white just a second ago! "It's perfect!"

A gigantic bubble rose out of the black top and popped, sending hot carbon in every direction.

"It must be time to flip it over," she said. She took a filthy stick off the ground and jabbed it under the black blob. She tried to lift it, but the inside was so soft it split in two and dropped off the stick.

"Maybe I should let it cook for a few more minutes," Rin said.

Sesshomaru was glad he didn't eat human food. He had an excuse to refuse this grievous nightmare. He almost felt sorry for Jaken. Almost. He watched the blob pulsate a little bit more. It shrunk a little, and became very, very thin. Maybe he shouldn't let Rin eat this. It could probably kill Ah-Un, never mind an eight year old.

Rin skipped over again to look at her pancake. "Where'd it go?" she wailed. A small pile of charcoal remained in the pan.

"It must be done," she exclaimed, after discovering that the lump of charcoal was her pancake. "Sesshomaru, you get a bite too!"

"I don't eat hum-"

"Well, look at this, no human would eat it," Jaken said cheerily. "No human in their right mind."

"So, since no human would eat it…" Rin said, studying it, "then I guess you get it all, Sesshomaru-sama and Jaken-sama!"

_Damn._

"I am NOT eating that lump of ash," Sesshomaru said.

"Please…Sesshomaru-sama, please…"

"I'm not either!" Jaken cried.

"Do it for Rin…she worked so hard…" Tears filled Rin's eyes. Her bottom lip pushed out. She looked so pathetic.

"FINE!" Jaken and Sesshomaru said unhappily. Much to their eternal annoyance, she manipulated them into eating that ash.

"Soooo…sick…"


	6. The Enlightenment of Rin

_(A/N: Sorry I was so long in updating! Massive writer's block…Here's chapter six!)_

Chapter Six

"Can Rin cook breakfast, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Never again."

"Lunch?"

"Forget it."

"Supper?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because, Rin, you made me eat the charred mass yesterday."

"Why?"

"I don't know why."

"Why?"

"Why don't I know? Because you have thoughts that I would not have otherwise dreamed in a million years."

"Why?"

"Because you're an eight year old human girl."

"Why?"

"Because your parents were humans."

"Why?"

"I don't know why, Rin. Stop asking me why."

"Why?"

"Rin…I'm warning you…"

"Why?"

Sesshomaru silently fumed. He could feel the vein throbbing in his temple. He was not one to let a human girl get the better of him.

"I said, why?"

_If I ignore her, she will go away._

_What am I thinking? Of course she won't go away!_

"Why?"

It was taking all of Sesshomaru's self-control to remain seated and outwardly calm. _Somewhat _outwardly calm, because the vein in his left temple was pounding and his eyes were starting to look bloodshot.

"Sesshomaru-sama, you look crazy."

_Thank you, Rin. _

"Your eyes are all red!"

_I know. Nice of you to point it out._

"And your head looks like it's going to explode!"

_SHUT UP!_

"Rin heard you say a new word today!"

_…Oh shit…_

"It was _shit! _What does that mean?"

"You must have heard me wrong!" Sesshomaru croaked. "I said _sit_!"

"Well, why would you say _sit _if you just bashed your hand really hard against a tree, Sesshomaru-sama!"

_Damn it._

Rin was looking up at him, studying his face.

"I meant pit! Because an apple pit fell on my head when I banged the tree!" he said in a strangled tone.

"Sesshomaru-sama, apples don't have pits…"

_Don't they?_

"I meant a peach pit!"

"It wasn't a peach tree, Sesshomaru-sama…"

"So?"

"Pits don't just fall out of trees," Rin said matter-of-factly. "Anyway, what does _shit _mean?"

"I just made it up!" Sesshomaru was beginning to sweat a little. She should be a psychoanalyst when she grew up, honestly…

Rin looked unconvinced. "It's a bad word, isn't it?"

"No! Of course not! Why would I say a bad word!"

"Well, Rin heard you say f-"

"Um, never mind that!"

Rin gave him a searching look. Damn, she knew.

"You just never say it, Rin, okay?"

"Okaaay…" Rin said, a huge grin on her face.

"I mean it!"

"I knoooow…" she said, laughing, and ran off.

Pessimistically, but then, who could be optimistic with her around, he thought, _Why do I even try? _

_(A/N: Hehe, like it? I won't be able to update until around Sunday the thirteenth, maybe not even then, going on vacation, sorry!)_


	7. Never AGAIN

_(A/N: I am so sorry it took so long! Here is the seventh chapter.)_

Chapter Seven

"Sesshomaru-sama!"

"I don't want to hear it, Rin."

"I made breakfast!"

"What colour is it?" Sesshomaru asked tiredly.

Rin ran over to check. "It's orange!"

"What kind of orange?"

"Peachy-orange."

"The non-poisonous kind?" _I don't care if it is poisonous. I absolutely refuse to go within six inches of it, let alone eat it._

"I don't know!" Rin said, wringing her hands. "I'm not smart like you!"

_Awwww…_

"Come see!" Rin bounded off toward the frying pan.

Sesshomaru followed her. He looked at a rather unappetizing peachy mash in the pan.

"What is it?"

"Breakfast, of course!"

"Jaken, test it," Sesshomaru commanded. Even if Rin layered flattery on like cement, he wasn't going to touch it.

"I-" Jaken wondered why he even tried. The battle was lost.

"Come on, it's only fruit."

A puzzled expression crossed Rin's face. "Sesshomaru-"

"Fine, if it's only fruit. You didn't cook it, did you, Rin?" Jaken said, moving toward the pan with a look of distaste on his face.

Rin shook her head. "But-"

Jaken plunged a finger into the peachy stuff. "…It's okay…" he said. Sesshomaru decided to give the kid a break. He tried a bit too.

"Where'd you find it?" Sesshomaru asked.

_No! What have I said! Now she is going to tell me the revolting place where she found it. And then I am going to feel ill. Sesshomaru, you are SUCH a bloody genius._

"The river."

Sesshomaru's and Jaken's eyes widened.

"It's a fish." Rin continued joyfully. "Except I forgot to take out the head."

A look of horror crossed Sesshomaru's face, and he spat on the ground. "Never again, Rin!"

Jaken clutched his throat and toppled to the ground.

"I took most of its guts out, they were all slimy and bleeding…"

"Rin…"

"They were really gross! I put them over there! Oh no, someone stepped on them!"

Sesshomaru didn't even have to look to know it was him who had trampled the fish innards.

"I did it with just my hands! Wasn't that brave, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"Rin!"

"Except I left in the eyes and the rest of the head, they were just too yucky…"

"RIN!"

"Yes?"

"Stop it."

"Stop what? Talking about fishy guts? They were horrible! Is the raw fishy good?"

"Not at all," Sesshomaru said. He could feel heat rising in his chest. That human girl had better watch out.

"I tasted some too!" she cried. "But I don't feel well…"

Sesshomaru's eyes widened. Oh no, it would probably kill her. Would the Tenseiga save someone who died of fish-gut-poisoning? Probably not. What kind of messenger from the underworld wanted a girl who died of fish poisoning.

Rin clutched her throat and fell to the floor, choking wildly.

Sesshomaru whipped out the Tenseiga. He scanned the area around Rin for the little soul-harvesting demons. None. Damn. The Tenseiga could wipe them out, but if there were none….

He knelt over Rin's unmoving, silent figure.

"Surprise!" she screamed, bouncing up and knocking him back into an undignified heap on the floor. "Aren't I a good actress?"

_Shut up this moment, Rin and Jaken. I am perfectly capable of whipping both your heads off! I said, STOP LAUGHING!_

"Aren't I a good actress?" Rin repeated happily.

Sesshomaru grunted. That was even more embarrassing than the day Inu Yasha nearly killed him. He smoothed his hair and tried to regain his ruffled dignity. This was being made increasingly difficult to do, with Jaken and Rin rolling around, guffawing like a pair of mad crows. This was the second time in as many days that he was regretting ever letting Rin 'make food'.

Rin's words pricked his sensitive ears.

"Jaken-sama! Sesshomaru-sama said apples have pits!"

She could not have made Sesshomaru more livid if she had chopped off his remaining arm. She couldn't have made Jaken any happier, either.

_If I do not act fast, my dignity and authority will be in shambles. And if she does not shut her trap, several of her limbs may be in shambles._

"I meant, peaches," Sesshomaru said as coolly as was possible at that moment.

"It's a big difference, Sesshomaru-sama. Peach doesn't even start with the same letter as apple!" Rin cried.

Sesshomaru lost it.

"They're the same colour!"

"No!" Rin screeched with even more joy than before.

"They're close," Sesshomaru muttered.

"Apples are red…"

"There are some yellow ones out there."

"Peaches are peach."

"They're yellow at one stage in their lives, okay! And stop contradicting me, because I have lived about two thousand years longer than you ever will!"

Rin cocked her head, studying Sesshomaru.

"You look much older than that, Sesshomaru-sama!" she cried.

"Thank y- What!"

Sesshomaru stalked off, huffing.

_I will never speak to that child again. EVER!_


End file.
